Special People

Many people have touched my lives, and I don't think that I appreciate them as much as I should. All of you mean a lot to me and I love you all very much:

• My husband, Ben:Thank you, honey, for all you are and all you do. You mean so much to me!
• My Mom & Dad: Thank you both for being you and never giving up. You've taught me more than you may realize.
• My brothers : You are both very special to me and have always been there for me. We may have our differences at times, but our bonds are strong. I'm proud of the men that you both have become.
• My sisters-in-law: Both of you are more than just my brother's spouses - you are both my friends and I'm proud to call you both my sister!
• Carol: A surrogate mother welcomed into our family. Our lives are all blessed to have you in it.
• David: The greatest nephew in the world. What else can I say??
• My Best Friend, Barb: You know, by now, how special you are to me. I don't know where I would be without you! Your family, all of them, are such a bright light in a sometimes dark day. Thank you so much for being there, no matter what!
• My In-laws: I married more than just Ben more than 10 years ago, and I can honestly say that I am glad to be a part of your family.
• My business team: Ok, we are obviously more than business associates - we are all friends. We make a great team. We have such a great time together, and all of you are extremely special to me. Thank you all for hanging in there with us!
• My church family: Helping with the Contemporary Service and joining the bowling league has allowed me to realize how many special people are in the St. Mark family.
• To everyone else who has made a difference in my life. Some of you may not realize that the "small" impact that you believe you made, actually made a huge one.

I thank you all, again, from the bottom of my heart for being you - and being special. Some pictures of all of you (sorry I don't have pics of everyone):

Dearest Lord God...

We come here today to thank you
For the blessings you’ve given
When you sent Your only Son
To us from up in Heaven
This day of Jesus’ birth
Let us remember the reason
For His coming to us is the
Greatest gift of the season
We are grateful for those who
Are gathered here today
And ask for more blessings
To those who are away
Thank you for our family and
The love that holds us together
And keep Your hands upon us
As we face the severe weather
Help us all to remember
Your Son’s humble birth
And that many are struggling
Upon this great Earth
And that the challenges faced
In today’s society
Is causing a lot of
Unnecessary anxiety
We pray for peace in families
And world nations throughout
And that Your Spirit will reach
To those who are without
As a family we ask
That we continue to draw closer
In the Spirit of Christmas
Today and Forever
Help us make today memorable
As we celebrate again
In Your Holy name
We all say “Amen”.

I hope everyone had a great and blessed Christmas!

I hope I did the right thing...

**For those of you who will worry about this post - don't, please. It's okay, really. Just venting and letting off some stress. I worry often about things that I've said or done and most of the time they pass by without a thought (hence, wasting my energy in the worrying). Thank you though for your concerns! Love yous! Please read on...***

Most of you who read this know me pretty well. I am someone who second guesses everything that she does or says. Sometimes, it pays off. Other times, I've exhibited a lot of stress on just simply worrying about something for no reason.

Today, is one of those days...

You know, sometimes things just happen. I have to believe that there is a reason for that thing to happen, but that never helps stop the worry. I had a discussion with my boss today...and I told the truth. Why is it that the truth is the right thing, but sometimes seems like a really bad thing???

Anyway, I worry now just simply about my boss misconstruing what I said. He and I are always pretty open and honest with each other (ooohh, he HATES to be lied to) and he really is a good guy. Yet he always watches out for himself, just as we all do, and what I said may be something that could hurt him in the future. I worry that this potential hurt will be something that he safe guards against now in order to not be hurt in the future.

But, I told the truth. I told him what I felt he needed to hear. I told him what I KNOW I needed to say. So, is this where the belief in God comes in that He is watching over and supporting what I have done? That this is all happening for a particular reason?

It'll work itself out somehow, I know that. I believe that. I just needed to share....

History

As we continue to watch history unfold, I have now had a few days to reflect on what has happened. I first want to start out with just the quick disclaimer that this post is reflecting simply my opinion. There may be things that I write about history that may technically be wrong, but this is the way that I view and remember from my education.

I can honestly say that my biggest disappointed in the lack of research of the candidates that it appears had been done by the American people. In the past 8 years, I have become much more aware of politics and the role that they play in our lives each day. As this election day got closer, I researched each candidate to determine the one that focused on the issues that were important to me: abortion, energy, economy, illegal aliens, Iraq war, small business ownership, etc. Based on those stances, I made my decision.

America was founded on the principles of:

• The freedom from religious persecution - meaning that all of us are free to support any religion we want to,
• The freedom to be individuals - regardless of skin color, sex, martial status, sexual orientation, etc.,

The fact is that so many people went out to vote simply to support a race, or deny a religion. This is what upsets me so much about this election. Yes, I'm upset over who was ultimately the winner, but simply because he does not support those things important to me, not for any other reason.

You know, just seven years ago, the American people came together in unity as our home front was terrorized. Today, we are all at odds over this election. What happened? I think we need to come back together in unity, support our governmental leaders as much as we can, without impacting our own morals and values, and work on keeping America the greatest Democracy in the world!

Another post....

This is going to just be a quick post to say a quick THANK YOU to everyone! I have felt many prayers being said for me and I really do appreciate it! I wanted to share a quick story...

At work, I have been helping a young man with some math tutoring. He had decided a few months ago that he wanted to go back to school (college), but was looking for some help. Unfortunately, he has quite a few learning disabilities which makes things a little more challenging. However, I have to be completely honest when I say that I feel so good at the end of the day (most of the time) because I have been able to work on my math. (For those of you who don't know me, I absolutely love math and wish I had pursued something more in that line.) Anyway, things have been a little rough for him lately due to some personal issues and frustration has set in for both of us. But, I am learning that the role that I play as a tutor to him is turning more into becoming a mentor for things outside of math - as I try to steer him towards a much more positive attitude and outlook on his life.

That is pretty much the story, and while it has its days, I do have to say that I come home each night refreshed and excited that I am making a difference in the life of this guy (btw, he is older than I am). His parents (my bosses) praise me everyday for working with him and having the patience. They keep telling me how I was an answer to a prayer, while I think I am beginning to realize that my prayers were the ones answered. Amazing how God works, isn't it??

Again, this experience has taught me a lot about myself as well as others. Maybe, just maybe, I should consider the whole teaching path again...do I really want to go back to school again?????

Yes, I'm still here....

I've had a couple of complaints, and concerns, about my not posting in a while. I really do apologize. Writing things out makes me realize that I really have a pretty boring life...

You know what is hard? I read blogs of parents all the time. While I love reading the stories and laughing at all the good times that were shared, it really does make me feel as though I don't fit in here in blogging world...I realize that not everyone that has a blog also has kids, but it seems like all the ones I read are that way. I don't have any fun stories to share, or cute pics of beautiful kids to boast about, and it makes me feel like an outsider (I've brought that on myself).

Anyway, I have found that I've felt much less motivated over the last few weeks than I did when I wrote things out in this blog. Maybe, just maybe, there really is something to this. At least it is a way to get some things off my mind.

My fear, sometimes, in writing on this blog is how some people may end up taking what I am writing. I don't want to worry anyone, or scare anyone, or upset anyone. However, I guess some things that I say/write may just not come out correctly for each and every person. As a disclaimer here: I'm fine, really. And, I apologize if I offend.

As with the rest of the world, things are tight right now. However, my hubby and I have turned to rely on the strength of our relationship and God's grace to get us through this tough time. We have some great friends that are helping us in the journey and eventually things will not be so tough. These friends know who you are, so a BIG THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

So, for all of you who have expressed a concern, or asked why I don't update anymore, here is my response. I'm fine, just a little lost and still finding my way. I'll get there, and get into a routine someday. But, thanks so much for all the thoughts and concerns...maybe I'll have a few stories shortly.

Update

So, I haven't written in a while, and I do apologize. I could make the excuse that I am just too busy, but that doesn't really work for me. Haven't felt much like writing - or have had a very uneventful past couple of weeks - would probably be closer to the truth.

In all reality, we have been pretty busy - at least our weekends. Between massages, lake fun, fairs, bonfires, and other fun things, our weekends have just been busy. Our weeknights aren't much better, especially since we usually don't get home until close to 6:30 each night - and it takes a toll!

One night, we came home from work to find that the fence that Ben (and my brother Lance) put in our front yard had been run into by a car. There were headlight pieces all over our yard along with two of the fence posts pretty much broken. We tried to file a police report, but the officer didn't seem to think it was worth the time, since it would be about a $15 repair. Oh well - one more thing for the "Honey do" list!

This past weekend, we had a Thompson family reunion picnic. Ben's grandmother is 86 years old, and all of her kids, their kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and even one great-great-granddaughter was able to make it. Ben's cousins are a few years older than him, so there isn't much in common or any close relationship, but it is nice to see everyone together. It was also nice to be able to do this for grandma, since we aren't sure how many more times it will happen. Here is a pic of most of the family (it was taken before everyone was there):

In addition to that, we had a picnic with our Praise Team at our church. The leader decided to have a picnic at his house, where we got to all play some badminton and just enjoy some fellowship. The weather turned out great! It's been lots of fun, and I really hate to see the summer winding down. Hope you have all had a great summer!

Fair Week

Getting a caramel apple with nuts
Eating it all, though it adds to the gut
Needing a soda to wash it all down
Enjoying the sights and sounds all around
Seeing the people, some big and some small
Entering contests, but can't win them all
Exhibiting pictures, two in each year

Consuming a greasy elephant ear
Orbiting the fairgrounds, everyday
Using some money for fun games to play
Nibbling on corn dogs, a pizza or fries
Trying to keep from increasing my thighs
Yawning as the day turns slowly to night

Fearing the ride as it starts to take flight
Aahing and oohing at all the events
Indulging again in some of the tents
Riding the Freak-Out and Scrambler, too
Saying "Farewell" as the fair is now through

True Friends

I have some very true friends in my life, that I am eternally grateful for. As I saw this video last night, I was reminded that regardless of the fact that I have lost touch with some of my friends, true friendships last forever. I thank God for all my friends, everyday, whether we've just recently become friends, or have been friends forever and somehow lost touch. I love you all! Enjoy...

A day late...

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and I didn't get a chance all day to send him some extra special wishes. Therefore, I thought I would post real quick and wish him a great day (I talked to him the day before his birthday) and a great weekend!

He is spending the weekend up north at a lake. The weather is beautiful for that kind of thing, and Ben and I had considered heading up there to spend some time. Unfortunately, we had a business seminar that we had to go to, so we didn't get a chance.

My dad has been a great big support for me for many years. He is a wonderful guy and I very happy to have him as my dad!

So anyway, Dad, I hope you had a great day yesterday and plans for a great week! We love you very much and hope to spend some time with you this week! Love you!

Here's a pic of me and my parents.

July 31st

Ok, so where has the time gone? I cannot believe that it is already the last day of July. And of 2008. I was thinking about it yesterday - weren't we just recently worried about the fact that computers were no longer going to work and banks were going to lose all their money with the change over to the year 2000? And now we are only 1-1/2 years away from 2010! Amazing how time flies!

Things have been very lazy at home lately - at least for me. My poor husband has been working very, very hard lately. He comes home from work, and pretty much starts work again. The past two days, he's been working until nearly 11pm every night. He is stressed, and I can completely understand. Hopefully things will slow down soon for him.

In the meantime, I have been doing absolutely nothing. Aside from fighting headaches that don't seem to go away, I get home from work, and if I'm feeling up to it, I will cook dinner. Then, I sit on my butt and watch TV - even though there is nothing on. I live a very boring life at times, but sometimes you need to just veg out.

August is a busy month for us, and I hope that I can try to keep up with the blog. I have gotten lazy with this too - plus I don't have anything exciting to share. With August being busy, I hope to actually have some exciting stuff to share. Hope everyone has had a great first half of the summer, and have big plans for the rest of it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARRIE!!!

I had to just do this quick post to wish my sister-in-law a very happy birthday! She and my twin brother have been married for 10 years. Last year, right around this time, Lance and Carrie moved out of Michigan to North Carolina. They love it there and have started their life down there, both having jobs and many new friends that are keeping them busy. I miss both Lance and Carrie regularly, but am really happy to see them enjoying it down there.

I won't say how old Carrie is, but I believe she is 29 this year! Hope your birthday is great Carrie and I hope to talk to you soon!

Life...

I know it has been a while since I posted, and I do apologize. I've been very lazy, and haven't felt like writing, so forgive me...

I've been thinking over the past few days about a lot of stuff. Isn't it amazing how you look back on your life (so far) and realize that the one you expected to have is sooooo much different than the one you actually have? Don't you wish you could go back in the past and take a different path at a crossroads to see how it would have turned out? Do you ever wish that you could go back and do something different, either to a person, in a decision, or with your attitude?

How about starting fresh with the life that you have actually been given? Even though it may not be exactly what you had hoped or wished for, do you ever think you might be able to make the one you have more like the one you wanted? What would you do to change your life today? Would you want to enter the Peace Corps? What about changing a career path? Would you sell your house, move to another town, and start all anew?

Sometimes I get into these modes where I just wonder...what if? Ben hates when I do this. As he has always said, "You can't play by what if's. You just have to accept what is happening as the way it is." Regardless, I often think about how different things might be if....

I have felt a calling over the past few weeks. There is something that I have been put on this great Earth for, and I can't quite figure out what it is. Even though I don't have much spare time, I do feel the incredible need to volunteer somehow. I have said it in another post - about the love that I have to share. I can hope and pray to someday have my own child to share this love with, but in the meantime, it is bursting inside and I need to share. I've considered becoming a foster parent, or maybe start actually pursuing adoption. I've even considered just posting an advertisement for tutoring services, just to help.

Do you volunteer your time? If so, what is it that you do? If not, do you wish you could, somewhere? Any suggestions?

Final leg of the trip....

Sorry for the late post, but really not too terribly much else to share. After the fireworks on the 4th, we never were able to make it back into Washington D.C. simply because Ben's foot was bothering him too much. Besides, we were technically there in the city for a business conference, so we knew we had to participate in that!

We left Washington on Sunday shortly after church. After getting lost a little bit on the freeways down there, we finally got headed in the right direction. We were on our way to Somerset, Pennsylvania for the night, which was only about 3.5 hours away. We made it in only about 6.5 hours. The traffic was awful, and who knows why, it just was backed up. Literally, people were out of their cars walking down the road talking to others. It finally cleared, and we made it to the hotel for a relaxing night watching movies on HBO and eating pizza in bed. Fairly unexciting, but just what the doctor ordered!

Did I mention that Ben just happen to break a toe on his right foot? Meaning, of course, that he is really unable to drive. The entire drive from Washington to home was me driving. He tried, for about an hour, but ended up hurting too much to keep going. It is going to be interesting when he goes back to work next week!

Anyway, on Monday, we made a quick little stop in a little town in Pennsylvania for a tour of a coal mine. Kind of scary, and very, very dark, but the history and just realizing the amount of work involved, was incredible. Not too much walking involved, so we were able to get it in regardless of Ben's foot. Here are a few pictures from that experience:

This was the little car that we rode in to get into the mine.
As we sat, my head hit the ceiling.

This was the mine itself, and I am standing upright.

We were the only ones in the mine, so the tour guide took our pic.
Notice that Ben can't even stand up straight!

A brief movie showing the ride back to the "light".

Nation's Fireworks

We weren't able to do much yesterday because of Ben's foot, but we did make the decision to at least make it downtown for the fireworks. After all, how many times will we have the opportunity to be in the Nation's Capitol for the nation's birthday???

The fireworks were wonderful! As we left, we followed the crowd to the subway station. It took us an hour to get back to our hotel room, but I would take the politeness of the people here over the insane drivers we have at home after a large event like that! Everyone was very well behaved and orderly, which just amazed me.

Anyway, here is a couple of videos of the fireworks as well as a picture or two of some other sites we saw last night. Hope everyone had a good 4th!

National Archive building and proof that we were there
(yes, that is me waving)

The U.S. Capitol lit up about 10 minutes before the fireworks
Absolutely beautiful!!

Part of the Grand Finale - Incredible!

An exciting sight....

We got to see a building last night that we hadn't planned to in all of our planning. The local hospital...

Our fourth started out with a bang. As we were getting ready for bed last night, we were putting things away, and organized. I had just finished with the computer, so I took it over to the desk and Ben got up to get me the charger to plug it in. As he walked back to the desk, he just barely stubbed his toe on the leg of the bed - and it hurt! After a brief visit from the hotel's EMT and directions, I drove him to the hospital for X-rays.

Come to find out that he broke his toe, his pinky toe. Yep, first day in a city that we have to do a lot of walking, Ben decides he wants to break his first bone ever, in his life! Anyway, we were at the hospital until close to 2:30am, where they bandaged up his toe and gave him a "walking shoe" that will allow him to walk without flexing his toes. It won't be the most comfortable thing for him, but we are going to still try and get a few sights in today. Hopefully he will be able to handle it all.

Hope you all have a great 4th of July!

We've arrived!!!

Yesterday morning, we arrived in D.C., and actually without too much problem, traffic, etc. I was surprised, to say the least, that as we drove in we could see nothing from downtown. I expected to be able to see at least the Washington Monument, but there was nothing. However, as we crossed over the Potomac, there was this beautiful building on the other side of the water. It didn't take us all that long to realize that the building was actually our hotel!

We got there without a problem, actually got checked into a room with a gorgeous view of the Potomac through the hotel's indoor atrium that is nothing but windows:

After getting unpacked and a quick bite to eat for lunch, we got ourselves ready to go downtown and see the sights. We spent a good 4-5 hours downtown, walking around, and got to see some incredible things.

The Washington Monument- as we stepped off the subway!

The U.S. Capitol Building

The World War II Memorial

Lincoln Memorial across the Reflecting Pool

And upclose and personal...He was HUGE!

Vietnam Wall...talk about a serene place

Jefferson Memorial

The White House close to sunset

One quick thing that I realized as we reached downtown was that I am extremely proud of this city, and all that it stands for. I got a little emotional just realizing the importance that this city holds in the history of America. Someday, if you haven't already, you have to visit and experience it yourself!

On our way....

Well, Ben and I left home yesterday morning. Our plan was to leave around 9:00am, but we actually didn’t get on the road until closer to 9:30. After a few quick errands around town, we officially hit the road at 10:20am. We were glad to not be too far behind schedule, and we had a couple of stops we wanted to make on our way to the first hotel stop of the trip.

Aside from hitting a brief stint of traffic near Ann Arbor, we had beautiful weather and great traffic the entire day. We also got to see a lot of incredible sights on the road. While in Ohio, we did a quick side trip to Geauga Lake. It was kind of a sentimental trip, since our first trip together, ever, was to Geauga Lake. We just simply drove by, but it was interesting to see how much things have changed in 12 years.


Once we got out of Ohio, we reached Pennsylvania. Together, we have never been to Pennsylvania, and we had plans to visit Gravity Hill in Bedford, PA. This was pretty interesting as well, as we just put the car in neutral, and seriously the car seemed to roll uphill. The drive was absolutely beautiful through the mountains of Pennsylvania. There were some houses tucked up on some of the hills that were just amazing.


We also got to experience the mountains. We are using my husband’s laptop as our GPS, and on it is the altitude at which we were at that time. I would watch the altitude go from 400ft to over 2000ft in a span of 10-20 minutes. Then, I would watch it drop back down to 700ft or so, then back up. It was interesting – and our ears were popping like crazy. Some of the views however were great!


Today, we are on the road again. We left the hotel in Hancock, Maryland at 9:30am and were only about 100 miles out of Washington. More to come on the 2^nd day of the trip!

Unproductive

Or at least it seems....

I don't think I will ever understand how one can be so busy, and yet never feel like anything is getting accomplished.  I am that person these days.  Between everything going on at home, my hubby has been working like a madman.  Then, to top it off, I myself am busy at work, but leave each day as though I have gotten nothing accomplished.

To top it all off, we leave in just 2 days for a trip to Washington, D.C. (yes, we will be there over the 4th of July).  Yet there seems to be so much left to do before we go (laundry, shopping, etc.) that we are trying to figure out how to fit it all in!  I guess it just goes to prove that we both need this vacation - BADLY!  

It will be so nice to be off work for a few days, traveling with my husband, and enjoying the sights of Washington.  Anyone ever been before and can offer any suggestions on must sees?  We plan to do the normal touristy stuff, but love to take suggestions from others who have been there.  

Overall, I think the break will provide us the opportunity to rejuvenate and hopefully we can both come back feeling like we may be able to accomplish something.  Check back often for pics from our trip, as I will try to update this blog while we are on the road!  

God's Unending Grace

A flowers petals shining bright

A yellow core enclosed by white
God is smiling down on us
And so in Him we must trust

These pictures are the proof we need
To show He’s here in word and deed
I felt the need to share with you
These flowers from my garden true

I had some help, and I’m very glad
For my sister-in-law and my dad
They helped me plant all these last year
And now the flowers give me cheer

They show me that regardless of things

God has blessings He always brings
In times when He feels it is right
And so with Him, I’ll be alright

Enjoy the pics of all the flowers
It seems I’ve stared at them for hours
They bring a smile to my face
As I enjoy God’s unending grace

Test Results

This post will be fairly brief, but I know that I owe it to everyone reading my blog. This past week has not been a good one for me, as I obviously anxiously awaited Friday's pregnancy test. On Tuesday, however, I started to not feel too good, causing me to worry a little bit. By Wednesday, it was worse, so I called the doctor. They offered to let me come in a day early for my test, just so that I could stop worrying.

Just as we expected, the test result came back negative. We have both been able to take the news in stride, and found all the good to come out of this result. The experience has brought both of us together, not only physically and emotionally, but spiritually. We have also realized that this experience has allowed the doctors to understand the medicine better - so that next time it is a little bit easier. Ultimately, it all is working out pretty well and now we just look forward to the next step.

For everyone who reads, and is such a huge support in my life, I just want to say THANK YOU for all the prayers. Please don't give up, as we do plan to try again - we just don't know when. As much as was spent on the pursuit of my college degree, I will not give up on my dream of being a mother - regardless of how we end up doing that.

And now we wait...

As I stated in my last post, this IVF process officially started on the Tuesday after Memorial Day. As a part of the process, I was required to go to the doctor's office every couple of days for blood work and an ultrasound. The blood work was to monitor how well my body was taking to the hormone injections, and the ultrasound was simply to see how my body was progressing in the process. Each time I went to the doc, I would be contacted in the afternoon with my instructions for the next few days (take this medicine at this dose, take this med at this time, etc.). This went on for just about two weeks.

On June 6, 2008, I went in for my routine blood work and ultrasound. That afternoon, I got the call I had been waiting for: it was time. That evening, my husband had to give me the mother of all shots (and he did an AWESOME job)! This medicine has to be given at a precise time as it usually corresponds to the schedule of the operating room. June 6th was a Friday - which meant that I was to have surgery (for the egg retrieval) on Sunday, June 8th.

Although it was a rough day for me, the surgery was a success. The doctor's were able to retrieve 17 total eggs of which only 16 were mature. The office would call the next day with the number that actually fertilized, which ended up being 13. Their plan was to transfer some of the embryos back on June 13 - weird how the number 13 keeps popping!

Everything went pretty well that week. On Friday, we showed up at the doctor's office where we found out that most of the 13 were still doing pretty well. Based on my chances and the health of the embryos, they decided to transfer 2 of the best looking ones. Success rates are becoming better with IVF, so they try not to transfer more than they believe is necessary. They then told me that two weeks later, I would go back from my pregnancy test. TWO WEEKS!

While I wait, I still have to blood work done every couple of days. They only call if there is an adjustment to be made in the medicines, but that I am not supposed to panic. You ever tried to not panic when someone tells you not to??? My first blood work, I was called. I wasn't too concerned about it, they just started me on some new medicine. It actually helped me to feel better, so I accepted it. Last Friday, I didn't get a call after my blood work - Yeah! Everything is good!! Today, however, they called again. Seems that I have a hormone level that is dropping - and that I should not panic! I should just take some more medicine and wait until Friday. Yep, this Friday is my pregnancy test - scary indeed.

You know, I waited for so long for a dream to come true, and now here it is just around the corner, and I am scared to death! I worry, a lot! Am I truly ready to be mother? Are we ready to be parents? What will happen if the test is negative? Can I/we handle news like that? I'm trying to stay positive, yet sometimes that truly is hard to do. Waiting is not fun - but Friday is only 4 days away (that is 10 less than it was when they first transferred the embryos back, so I guess that is a good sign)!

Decisions - May 22, 2008

The last time I posted about the IVF process that my husband and I were going through, we had just found out about the study that was offered. We had decided to give it a try, so the doctor immediately put me on some meds in order to initiate a menstrual cycle, since I couldn't have them on my own. Now, I've been on Provera many times before, so I knew what to expect. What I was worried about was that I would be put on birth control pills as soon as I started this cycle (seems a little strange to be put on birth control when you are trying to have a baby, huh?). As soon as the cycle started, I was to contact the office to schedule a time for a "class" that my husband and I both had to take. The class was scheduled for May 22, 2008.

This class provided a brief overview of the procedure (there were six other couples in the class, and not all of them were there for IVF) and taught us about the medicine that the women would be taking. We got binders with a lot of information in it, including the individualized plan for us. We were then whisked away as a couple into an exam room, where I had to give myself a shot (yes, with a needle) of saline. Since most of the medicine that I would be taking had to be given through a needle, we each had to get over our fear of needles and learn how to do this. Ben also had to learn how to give me a shot since this one was one that I could not reach. We then got to ask any questions that we may have and move on from there.

As we left the office that day, Ben and I had many, many decisions to make. Within the binder that we received in our class, were consent forms. Most of them were harmless: Do we approve another doctor stepping in to take over the procedure if our primary was not available? Do we understand the risks associated with this procedure? Some of them were a little more thought provoking. For example, we had to decide if we wanted to participate in ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection), where the sperm is injected directly into the egg to ensure fertilization. There are a few risks associated with that, of which we had to decide whether we wanted to be involved with. Another thing that we had to consider was Assisted Hatching, again with more and different risks.

Probably the most highly discussed decision for us to make was the Selective Reduction decision. Since the human body is not made to carry more than one child, the doctor prefers to not have his/her patients becoming pregnant with more than 3 (twins have a better chance than triplets or higher). Therefore, we had to decide that if the case were to arise that I were to become pregnant with 3 or more babies, would we want to eliminate some of them. Now, our belief is that if we get pregnant with more than 2 babies, then God's will is that we have more than 2 children. This was pretty much a no brainer. However, the hard part came in that we don't ever want to risk the health of the babies or of me if this situation arises. We prayed long and hard about this, and discussed it amongst ourselves, before making our decision.

See the problem that I have with all of this, and I am learning to accept, is that God has a plan for me - and if that means that I am not to be a mother because I am unable to get pregnant in the manner that He intended, then so be it. However, I had it explained to me once that science would not exist without God's hand leading the scientists to these discoveries. Plus, there are many women in the Bible who were infertile, yet eventually had children. Although I will sometimes still struggle with the fact that we have decided to take the scientific route, I have accepted it all as a part of God's plan for me. All of that being said, the selective reduction, to me, seemed as though it was too much interference into God's plan - after all, if He intends for me to have 8 children, then I will have 8 children.

With these decisions made and the consent forms signed (Thanks Barb!!), my first appointment for this process started the Tuesday after Memorial Day. I have to say that in the 5 days between our class and my first appointment, my husband and I talked more about kids and each other's future than I think we ever have. It made me realize, yet again, how lucky I am to have a guy like Ben in my life. We talk a lot, but sometimes not the heart-to-hearts that many women desire of their man. I know that it made Ben uncomfortable at times, but he proved to me how mature we, as a couple, have become. He is no longer the 20-year old boy that I fell in love with, he is the 32-year-old man that is my soulmate and best friend. We have such a deep love and mutual respect for each other today. I love you honey, and thank you for being you!

For Carrie...

My sister-in-law Carrie absolutely is in love with one of my cats, Mikey. In July of last year, she and my (twin) brother, Lance, moved from Michigan to North Carolina. While they made it back here for Christmas, we haven't seen them since, and Carrie hasn't been able to see her beloved Mikey.

Therefore, as I spoke with her tonight, I was telling her about Mikey's recent trip to the vet's office. You have to understand Mikey. We have tried since he was about one to get him to lose weight, but he just doesn't seem to want to. He doesn't eat that much, and is somewhat active, but for whatever reason, he is just a very large cat. The recent vet's visit surprised even the girls at the counter - he weighed a healthy 29.5 pounds!

I promised Carrie I would share some pictures so that she could see Mikey again, so here you go Carrie:

Here is Mikey doing what he loves to do!

Here is our other cat, Stormy, who is a little more "normal"

Here is the two of them - so you can see the size difference!

Study Break - April 3, 2008

Invitrofertilization. A big word for a big process with very small members!

The letter that we got from the doctors at IVF Michigan in Flint indicated that Ben and I would be good candidates for a study for this process. Being the worry wort that I am, I wasn't too sure about the study - after all, do I really want my body to be a lab rat?

Come to find out, however, that the study was for women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) (which I happen to also have). The study would perform an IVF procedure and see how the patient would respond to the medicine. The study was to determine if one of the drugs given would be better started on day 1 or day 5 of the cycle. It was a totally random study that we would be placed into after our particular cycle started. But, the bonus part was that the cost of the procedure came at a reduced cost - which would allow us to possibly attempt two cycles of IVF if we wanted (due to insurance coverage).

While it still scared me to have to take this particular route with this pursuit of the dream, we had long ago decided that we wanted to exhaust every possibility of having kids ourselves before pursuing adoption. Therefore, we signed up for it and decided to give the whole thing a try. This decision was made on April 3, 2008, exactly one week and one day after I graduated (unofficially) from college!

Journey to the Pursuit of a Dream...

As I had started in my last blog, there are some interesting things happening in my life right now. In order to understand the impact of it all, I have to provide just a little bit more of a background so that the story makes a little more sense:

Since we had been so unsuccessful at being able to have kids “naturally”, my hubby and I started to see specialist after specialist. Life would, at times, get in the way, and we would lose our focus. Each new specialist we went to would have a different idea or thought - and it was very frustrating to have the same tests being run over and over again. We kept getting referred to a particular specialist, but he did not take our insurance. Finally, in 2006, we reviewed my husband's medical benefits a little closer, and found that if we just paid a little bit higher premiums, we would have our choice of doctor's - including this particular specialist.

In January 2007, my first appointment with this specialist happened. Again, the same flurry of tests and different diagnoses. I was frustrated, beyond belief! Unfortunately, I took it out on the doctor, which didn't help matters much. We got things worked out and he suggested a quick surgery to fix what he believed to be a septate uterus. The surgery was scheduled for July 2007. Aside from some minor discomfort, the surgery appeared to be a success. However, after my initial visit back to the doc in August to remove the stitches, I didn't go back to him at all (again, life got in the way).

But, God has a plan - that is what I keep saying - and He gave me a huge push into the right direction. In March 2008, I received a letter from the doctor's office stating that they believed I would be a good fit for a medical study that the office had just gotten approved for. After some brief discussion, we agreed it was a good time - why not give it a shot? In April, we had an appointment with the doctor who described the study, as well as our particular chances. We decided at that point that the time may not be absolutely perfect, but we had to give it a shot!

Check back tomorrow for the details of the study, as well as the continuing process that Ben and I are going through.

New Dreams

Now that graduation is over, I get to start in on the real reason for me starting this blog in the first place. Over the next few weeks, I will begin telling a story about things going on in our lives - dreams that we are beginning to pursue. To just be fairly brief with an introduction, allow me to give just some brief background into my life.

I am 32 years old and have been married for nearly 10 years. I love my husband to death - he means the world to me. However, I can honestly say that our marriage didn't exactly start out the greatest. But, we learned how to deal with each other and become the best of friends. **A short comment here: Marriage is not easy!** We vowed from the beginning that we would stick through everything, no matter what.

I dreamt, all through high school, of being a mother. I had the plan: married by 22, first kid by 25, with the second 2 years later. Well, the first part of the plan came true. I was officially married almost 6 weeks before my 23rd birthday. By the time I turned 24, I knew that we had to get started on having kids - after all, the plan was to have the first one by age 25. Well, things didn't happen as I had planned. No matter what, things didn't seem to work and 25, 26, 27 all flew by. I started to realize that I would never have kids - after all, don't you stop trying after age 30?!?

Today, we are both 32 years old, and still trying to have our own children. I've realized that while age will sometimes play a little bit of a factor, it is not something that should ever hold people back from there dreams of parenthood. After all, God has a plan for all of us.

Graduation!

Well, it is finally over! I remember back 14 years ago when I graduated from high school, I was worried about the life ahead of me. I was so unsure of what I wanted to do, or be. Life was a little hectic for me back then and without making too many excuses, allowed me to not take pride in what I was doing outside of high school. I couldn't care at all about school work, or much of anything, and it started to show.

Then, however, I found my (now) husband and things changed. He helped me to refocus on the important things - on what I wanted out of life. I dropped out of school, began working and planning a wedding and getting my life back on track. Today, I can honestly say that I am happy with the way things have turned out and that I can be satisfied in the hard work that I put into my college education. Although it took me 10 years longer than it should have, I know that the time and money spent is wonderful! And, the accomplishment of a dream that I never thought would happen is an absolutely incredible feeling!

Yesterday, I got to celebrate with (almost) all my family and friends. Those people who supported me even when the times got tough. It is a blessing to have such great people in my life who mean more to me than anything else. We were all blessed to have wonderful weather for the day as well, so that made it even more fun! I felt a little weird going into the day because not many college graduates have open houses - but I knew that those people who pushed me and supported me needed to be appreciated for all that they had done!

Thank you all for everything and for always being there! I am very, very lucky to have you all in my life!

Housework

This weekend, I got to spend it pretty much alone. Ben decided to go and spend some quality time with his parents, especially since his mother had surgery last Tuesday. He was able to help his dad get some work done around the house/yard up there and I know he enjoyed it.

Does anyone else just get in the mood to clean? Most of you who are reading this know that Ben and I are not the merriest of maids with our house. Lately, it seems to have gotten a lot worse. But for some reason, this weekend, I got into a mood to do some thorough cleaning of our house. Amazingly, I didn't spend a lot of time either day (Saturday or Sunday), but I go through my house right now and I so happy to have it presentable. I don't have to be embarrassed any more to have someone who has just dropped by come in and visit for a while. Now the real question most of you are asking (I know I ask it myself many times): how long can we keep it this way?

After a long week of work, it felt good to have the weekend to myself, watching some girly movies, and cleaning the house. Can't wait for Ben to come home and see it! Hope you all had a good weekend!

April Showers Bring May Flowers

I am so happy to say that for my first year trying it, I have successfully not killed any of the plants that my father and sister-in-law helped me plant last year! In fact, there are many flowers that have already bloomed and my flower bed looks beautiful. I have to thank my dad and Carrie for all the help last year with it and I can't wait to try some more. Enjoy these few pictures of the flowers already bloomed:

A beautiful iris....

All my leopard's bane....

My entire flower bed...

I love the spring time!

Sentimental

At the end of May 1999, my husband and I moved into our house (in it's current location). When we first found the property, it was perfect. There was a beautiful "little" pine tree in the back yard that was the only thing we made sure the contractor did not upset. Since that time, we have enjoyed this tree and how much it brings to the back yard. The only thing that I really didn't like about the tree was the fact that it was hard to mow around. But, it was perfect....and ours.

A few years ago, as with many Michigan winters, we got a really heavy, wet snow fall. While the snow was beautiful as it hung on the trees, it had bent our little pine tree over and we were afraid we would lose it. However, the tree bounced back after the snow thawed, although it gave the tree a permanent "S" shaped trunk. Since that year, we have watched as the winters have been hard on the tree, but it was pretty much always able to bounce back pretty nicely.

Unfortunately, however, the tree didn't make it this winter. During a particularly heavy snow fall, we lost two rather large branches from the tree which left too many big holes. After a fairly tough decision, we decided we better just cut it down. It was a tough decision, and one that I regretted briefly as the tree fell tonight. I actually started to cry even...

Now, some of you are reading this and wondering why I am so attached to a tree. Well, here is my reason: We fought for that tree so that it would be a part of what our lives and would symbolize our growth together. Although already a fairly mature tree, the fact that it would grow with us and our family was an important thing to me. Remember in elementary school you were always given a pine tree on Earth Day or something? It was much the same thing for us when we found this property.

So, I leave you with a picture of the tree before (from a couple of years ago)...


...and after....

Emma Kristine Cooper

Ben and I have a new niece in our family. Ben's niece, Kristine, had a baby girl on Friday, April 11th. She was 6 pounds, 3 oz, 19 1/2 inches long in great health. I realize that this post is a little bit late, but I finally got a few pictures to share, so enjoy.

My sister-in-law, Jaynie, holding her new granddaughter!

Emma Kristine Cooper

Who Am I

Lately my husband and I have become very interested in listening to Christian pop music. XM radio has a station that we have both made as one of our favorites. Casting Crowns is a group that has some incredible songs. Check out this video for some choreography for one of their most popular songs...

Surprise!

Ok, so I got home from work today with the understanding that I already had so much on my plate for tonight that there was no way I would write anything in my blog. However, I had a surprise waiting for me when I got home, and just felt that I had to share:

The above was waiting for me on my doorstep! While I have kind of been expecting it, I didn't know if I would get it in the mail or if I would get it at my graduation ceremony in June. The most exciting (and I have to brag a little here) is what is included on this diploma:


I don't usually like to toot my own horn, but I am very proud of this accomplishment (even if it wasn't done in the traditional sense). It may seem a little weird at times to write about myself like this, so I have to just say, again, that I am very grateful for everyone that has supported me in this endeavor. Without all of you, I would not have the above pictures to be able to share!!!

And, a little special note to my husband: You are the one who pushed me back into getting my degree, and I am eternally grateful for that. Together, you have helped me to work through many issues that have come up in my classes. Without you, especially, helping me to stay focused on this through thick and thin, I would not have made it to this point. You mean the world to me. I love you more than I can even express!

With all of that said, it is official! I now have a Bachelors of Science Degree in Business Administration, with a concentration in Management and a minor in Finance.

Ten Drops

I'm reading a book right now about positive thinking, and what it can do in your life. The book, called Beyond Positive Thinking by Drs. Arnold and Barry Fox, is not just about positive thinking, but is about how there has to be action that corresponds to this thinking. It gives a story in the book about a woman who spent much of her childhood going from foster family to foster family, and being abused, abandoned, etc. Finally, at the age of 12, she was placed with this family who treated her like one of their own children.

The first night at dinner, this young girl was amazed as she watched "her dad" remove "ten plagues" from a water glass, in the form of drops. These "plagues", or tears, were things like anger, fear, self-pity, doubt, etc. After these drops were removed from the glass, the glass was refilled with "smiles". He would say:

"A drop of love,
A drop of warmth,
A drop of friendship,
A drop of song,
A drop of laughter,
A drop of learning,
A drop of growing,
A drop of sharing,
A drop of helping,
A drop of forgiving.
Ten drops make an ocean of joy"

After these drops were added, the glass was passed around the table for everyone to take a sip. Today, that young woman is a mother herself and is teaching her children the same lessons she learned from this family.

For some reason, this chapter of the book was one that I clicked with. As I sit and think about the bad things - such as fear, anger, self-pity, etc. - I realize that these thoughts will get me nowhere. On the other hand, as I think about what I can do today to learn, grow, help, forgive, I feel better about myself, my situation and the world in general.

Therefore I ask the question: Why focus on the bad stuff, when there is so much to be eternally grateful for in life? What are you grateful for?

Unexciting

Well, I started this blog with the idea that I would post every day, so I have to be a little more disciplined with that.

The week has been pretty busy, but for the most part unexciting. We have spent the weekend getting our church presentation together and paying bills. Sound exciting? The weather is starting to take a turn towards the good, and the grass is even starting to turn green. I'm even getting the itch to start spending some time outside.

I have nothing special to share necessarily. I ask for prayers for my friend Barb, who lost her grandmother last night. At the same time, I ask from prayers for my niece, who had a baby on Friday. It is weird sometimes how life works - as one begins another one ends. Kind of puts things in perspective. I'm thinking of all those who are grieving as well as those who are rejoicing.

I wish everyone a great week!

New Beginnings

Ok, so I've thought about this for years and have finally decided that it is time for me to actually start my own. Last year, as I took a creative writing class, I realized that I needed somewhere to get some of my creativity out. In addition, now that I have actually finished college (FINALLY!!), I realize that I am going to miss doing my discussions in the classes. This blog will allow me an outlet of some of my opinions and create some ongoing discussions.

Another decision in starting this blog is because of the recent developments that have happened in my life. Those of you who are reading this probably already know me and have heard that I did finish from college education finally (I will walk in the ceremony in June). I am the first person in my family to actually accomplish this and I am just thrilled that I have been able to get through it. It was a rough road at times, but I can honestly say that the achievement of this dream has been incredible! Thank you to all of you who have supported me in this endeavor!

With this dream reached, my husband and I have decided to move on to the next stage in our lives. We have always wanted children, and we have struggled in actually having them. It's been an emotional time, but with my college education being complete, we can focus our energies on having some children and making our family complete. I love my husband and am highly grateful to have had the past 10 years together just the two of us, but neither one of us is getting any younger, and we are ready to share our love with children. As our focus remains on this dream, I want to be able to share our experiences in this endeavor.

I have to thank my best friend, Barb, for opening my eyes to blogging. I read her blog every single day and enjoy the stories that she has out there. While we don't live that far from one another, being able to keep up with her when our lives can't seem to catch up in person helps me still feel like we can stay close. She is an inspiration to me and I love her dearly!

With that, enjoy my blog and check back often!