Decisions - May 22, 2008

The last time I posted about the IVF process that my husband and I were going through, we had just found out about the study that was offered. We had decided to give it a try, so the doctor immediately put me on some meds in order to initiate a menstrual cycle, since I couldn't have them on my own. Now, I've been on Provera many times before, so I knew what to expect. What I was worried about was that I would be put on birth control pills as soon as I started this cycle (seems a little strange to be put on birth control when you are trying to have a baby, huh?). As soon as the cycle started, I was to contact the office to schedule a time for a "class" that my husband and I both had to take. The class was scheduled for May 22, 2008.

This class provided a brief overview of the procedure (there were six other couples in the class, and not all of them were there for IVF) and taught us about the medicine that the women would be taking. We got binders with a lot of information in it, including the individualized plan for us. We were then whisked away as a couple into an exam room, where I had to give myself a shot (yes, with a needle) of saline. Since most of the medicine that I would be taking had to be given through a needle, we each had to get over our fear of needles and learn how to do this. Ben also had to learn how to give me a shot since this one was one that I could not reach. We then got to ask any questions that we may have and move on from there.

As we left the office that day, Ben and I had many, many decisions to make. Within the binder that we received in our class, were consent forms. Most of them were harmless: Do we approve another doctor stepping in to take over the procedure if our primary was not available? Do we understand the risks associated with this procedure? Some of them were a little more thought provoking. For example, we had to decide if we wanted to participate in ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection), where the sperm is injected directly into the egg to ensure fertilization. There are a few risks associated with that, of which we had to decide whether we wanted to be involved with. Another thing that we had to consider was Assisted Hatching, again with more and different risks.

Probably the most highly discussed decision for us to make was the Selective Reduction decision. Since the human body is not made to carry more than one child, the doctor prefers to not have his/her patients becoming pregnant with more than 3 (twins have a better chance than triplets or higher). Therefore, we had to decide that if the case were to arise that I were to become pregnant with 3 or more babies, would we want to eliminate some of them. Now, our belief is that if we get pregnant with more than 2 babies, then God's will is that we have more than 2 children. This was pretty much a no brainer. However, the hard part came in that we don't ever want to risk the health of the babies or of me if this situation arises. We prayed long and hard about this, and discussed it amongst ourselves, before making our decision.

See the problem that I have with all of this, and I am learning to accept, is that God has a plan for me - and if that means that I am not to be a mother because I am unable to get pregnant in the manner that He intended, then so be it. However, I had it explained to me once that science would not exist without God's hand leading the scientists to these discoveries. Plus, there are many women in the Bible who were infertile, yet eventually had children. Although I will sometimes still struggle with the fact that we have decided to take the scientific route, I have accepted it all as a part of God's plan for me. All of that being said, the selective reduction, to me, seemed as though it was too much interference into God's plan - after all, if He intends for me to have 8 children, then I will have 8 children.

With these decisions made and the consent forms signed (Thanks Barb!!), my first appointment for this process started the Tuesday after Memorial Day. I have to say that in the 5 days between our class and my first appointment, my husband and I talked more about kids and each other's future than I think we ever have. It made me realize, yet again, how lucky I am to have a guy like Ben in my life. We talk a lot, but sometimes not the heart-to-hearts that many women desire of their man. I know that it made Ben uncomfortable at times, but he proved to me how mature we, as a couple, have become. He is no longer the 20-year old boy that I fell in love with, he is the 32-year-old man that is my soulmate and best friend. We have such a deep love and mutual respect for each other today. I love you honey, and thank you for being you!